Every now and then I get a little bit lonely*……
Riley is sick this week and we’ve been sequestered in the house, venturing out only to the chemist or the mail box.
Every now and then I get a little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears…
Well, his tears, as he’s crying 50% of the time he’s awake. The other 50% he’s on the breast.
Every now and then I get a little bit angry and I know I’ve got to get out and cry…
On Sunday, I had the house in a pristine state. By Tuesday morning it looked like London during the blitz and nothing, nothing I tried to do could fix it. I’ve had no sleep. Excess caffeine is making me ill, but it’s the only thing making me operate. I’m eating six sandwiches in a sitting, I’m so hungry from all of Riley’s breastfeeding. “It has to stop soon” I say to myself, and then I want to weep because I’m not sure I’m ready.
Then I see Keira staring at us from the couch with reproachful eyes, and I know she’s suffering too, from Riley’s constant irritability.
Every now and then I know you’ll always be the only boy who wanted me the way that I am…
Yet for all my frustration, his cries move me. He scrabbles for my legs and will not let go. His angry gums radiate pain; he is a bundle of raw nerves. His fever burns my skin; I can barely imagine how he feels. He doesn’t want me to; he just wants to be held.
Every now and then I know there’s no one in the universe as magical and wondrous as you ….
My poor, beautiful boy. Get better soon. Please.
Every now and then I know there’s nothing any better and there’s nothing I just wouldn’t do …
Amen Bonnie. Sing it to me loud. You’ll have to at the moment: who needs a wind machine in this house when you’ve got Riley passing it straight from a Dantean circle of hell?
*Total Eclipse of the Heart, Jim Steinman. The man knows how to write a power ballad.
Edited to add: I wrote this two days ago. We turned a corner yesterday afternoon and he is happier now. Well, at least he slept better through the night, which is always a good sign.
