As we were driving home last weekend from the writer’s festival my husband asked me, “So what happens now? You’ve been on the radio and the “speakers circuit” in a matter of days. What’s next in your quest to take over the world?”
Now the question threw me somewhat, because its been clinically proven by millions of taxpayer dollars and years of research that my husband rarely thinks beyond the release date of his next PC game, or sexual encounter (and not necessarily in that order).
So his asking me about my GOALS and the FUTURE made me squint out the window to check and see if the Horsemen of the Apocalypse weren’t riding alongside our car, peering gleefully within.
But no, I then looked over to my husband, saw he was smirking, and realised he was being rhetorical.
Ah.
“I don’t really know what’s next,” I said. “Hmm…what does one do to get noticed in order to promote a book?”
And then I began to think…
Well, I could fly up to Canberra and go to Parliament House and go up to Kevin Rudd and flash my boobs at him – and then I remembered he’s seen it all before, anyway.
And because he’s still on his 2020 Summit high, I’m afraid he’d continue talking to me in that oblique, jargon-laden language…
…and fix me with that dentist’s* stare of his and say evenly: “Evidently your mammaries have seen a decline in buoyancy which can only be rectified by a consorted nonpartisan effort of assisted support of the underwire and super-lycra variety.”
Cheeky rogue!
“What are you thinking?” asked my husband as I humphed very loudly when I came to this part of my daydream.
“I can’t believe I voted for him. He’s just razzed me in my head. In front of PARLIAMENT.”
My husband looked at me strangely. He forgets sometimes that I often have an interior monologue going on in my brain, like JD’s in Scrubs.
“Hey, you started this,” I said.
So I ask you all – what could I do that would get me noticed in the wider media? Be as creative as you like – I’m sure you’ve (hopefully!) realised by now I wouldn’t actually flash our Prime Minister. Not unless a circa-1997 Tony Blair was standing next to him too. So your answers can be filed under ‘hypothetical’.
[P.S Did you know if you Google “Good Looking Australian Politician” there are absolutely NO RESULTS! Ha! That one made me laugh.]
*Ever since I heard Barry Humphries compare our Kevin to a dentist, I’ve never been able to shift that image from my mind.
