…is me.
So the dentist last week fixed up the dodgy tooth, but my jaw was still painful. Very painful. Then I noticed my left jaw ‘clicked’ whenever I opened my mouth or ate food. So I thought maybe I should go to the Doctor, because it’s not like I’ve seen him enough lately to warrant rumours of our hot and passionate affair to sweep across my little suburb. Not quite.
The last trip was particularly mortifying, and I haven’t talked about it here yet because I just haven’t been able to face up to it. [Don’t worry, family, nothing dire.]
Anyhoo, so I sat down in the chair, explained my ailment and he came around the desk for a bit of a feel of the jaw and nodded, satisfied. Whipping out his prescription pad he said, “Have you been eating nuts lately?”
“Why yes I have! I’ve been trying to eat more healthy snack food alternatives, better fats and – ”
He cut me off. “Well, that’s the problem. With your bad tooth your chew would’ve altered and then you ate some harder foods you weren’t used to and you’ve probably just got a bad sprain in the jaw muscles. It least it’s not jaw lock.”
Oh, yes, happy news indeed! He’s basically just told me I need all my food pre-masticated like a mother bird feeds her young because my mouth is, like, weakass. So now I’m on ultra-strength anti-inflammatory drugs and although I don’t quite feel as miserable as I did last week, it is still tender; tender enough to remind me every time I eat that I surely am the oldest 29 year old who ever lived.
Stay tuned for next week’s installment: Karen goes to the pharmacy to buy a tube of Polident toothpaste.
