One of the reasons I began twittering was to see if any of the threads of ordinary life I occasionally jotted down there could later on be turned into a longer, better observed essay/post here. 90 per cent of the time, no, they haven’t, but I feel I need to refer back to a final few I’ve done in order for better clarity as I sit here and try to anticipate what lies ahead in 2009.
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Tweet #1: Part of me is excited that it’s almost the New Year; new beginnings, new start and all that. The other part is like, here we go again.
Tweet #2: Trying to write a post about what’s happened this year and what’s likely to happen next year. Am too emotional to be circumspect about it.
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We’re still on the road. Dubbo, these past few days. Tomorrow we begin the epic 900-odd kilometre road trip back home. I’m pretty sure tonight will be the same for me as all other NYE’s past: watching the kiddie fireworks and then making some poor excuse to go to bed early. If I do repeat form, I suppose – I think – that that reason would be as good as any.
I’m tired. I’m ready to go back to our life in Melbourne, even if it is without access to family. That family, my immediate family, I suspect, will be in for a tough year. My father’s health is rapidly declining. Most of his food is pureed now, and that which isn’t he often coughs up, and nearly chokes on. Part of me wonders whether that was the last Christmas or not he’s got left, and I’m pretty certain at times, when I spied unguarded expressions on his face, he was wondering the same thing.
When people have been kindly inquiring after his health, they often ask, “How old is he again?” and expect a different number, a higher one, than the one I give: “59”.
Numbers, numbers. This post is full of them, if you look back, all featuring ‘9’ in there somewhere. I could edit these, I feel like I’m testing some sort of karmic lottery by keeping them in there, but then again, aren’t we all doing that every day, in every moment, in some way?
I’m trying not to be depressing. There were many wonderful, beautiful, funny stories I’ve yet to relate about our holidays, but I cannot deny that at the end of it, and as the clocks tick over, if I’m asleep or not, I will be thankful for the joys I’ve received and hope we still have many more to come.
Happy New Year everybody.
xxxx
