Yes, the adventures of baby poo explosions (or ‘Number Threes’ as I’ve heard them more delicately termed) may be over in this house and, true, there’s the odd case gastro to keep us all on our toes – or hovered over the toilet – but by and large I haven’t waded into these murky waters for a while.
Until now at least.
Truth is I can’t help myself reporting this piece of excellent trivia I read in a book the other day:
Henry VIII had over 84 pounds of faeces in his bowel after his death…
And I was like, whoa.
Then I wondered how on earth can that claim be validated? Is it true? Is it one of those factoids that is so preposterous it can’t not be true? Was there an autopsy – or the medieval equivalent?
So I went running to Google and had what only can be described as an education. I was unable to establish whether the above quote was correct or not, but I did learn about the occupation of Groom of the Stool a highly-regarded position at Court, where one becomes privy to matters of great intimacy, hygienic and otherwise.
I doubt it would’ve been much fun though. Here’s what one poor bugger had to clean up:
In 1539, one groom recorded how Henry VIII had taken laxative pills and an enema, sleeping until 2am “when His Grace rose to go upon his stool which, with the working of the pills and the enema, His Highness had taken before, had a very fair siege. [source]
Charming.
Then! My surfing took me to another search term that was intriguing: a Cucking Stool. From what I gathered this was the next step along from close-stool (a big boxy toilet like what Henry VIII) to a more streamlined seat before it was modifed again to a ‘Ducking Stool’ which was used as a form of punishment.
The Cucking Stool was too, I believe. The best modern example – and I may be extrapolating the torture factor somewhat – is that make-shifted chair a nude Daniel Craig was sat on in Casino Royale, where he was introduced to pain via a ball on the end of a rope.
Yep, that’s the one.
I suppose you’ve gathered by now that this post has little point or sense. I just felt like sharing. You’re welcome.
See what wonderfully exciting topics and times reading (with a little Internet help) can take us? <3
