My Writers vs Bloggers post last year was extremely popular and as a way of commemorating that a bit – as well as making my own writing load a bit lighter today, literally and metaphorically – I thought I’d expand it just a little and have some fun. Because what’s better than a little schadenfreude? A whole lot more! And the thought that we’re really not very different, are we?
Writer 1: Can you believe I haven’t heard back yet about my submission to that journal? Even worse, they ran an article almost exactly the same as my piece in their recent edition!
Writer 2: Jerks.
Writer 1: I’m sure they took my idea. Their loss – I could’ve written it so much better.
Writer 2: So what are you going to do next?
Writer 1: I’m thinking of changing the physical features of a character in my latest short story to look like the journal’s editor. This character makes a nasty end.
Writer 2: Nice. Justice.
Writer 1: Exactly.
Writer 2: What’s the story about again?
Writer 1: There is an Ebola virus breakout in Carlton, wiping out half of the publishers of Melbourne within a week.
Writer 2: Wow. So plausible.
Writer 1: Wait, it gets even better. Some of the publishers who are left flee to the State Library to wall themselves up to wait for the worst of the situation to be over, using a surplus of David Foster Wallace’s and David Mitchell’s as bricks. While they wait they fight over which Martin Amis novel is the worst and which Peter Carey novel is the best. The debate rages for weeks. Eventually they emerge after shaking hands to agree to disagree, but they never speak to each other at parties again.
Writer 2: And the point of the story is… ?
Writer 1: Oh – there is no point.
Writer 2: So what is it telling your readers? What is the theme? How is it consistent through the text?
Writer 1: Ugh – now you’re starting to sound like them. Hold on…
{Stares intently at Writer 2}
Writer 2: You’re memorising my looks so as to write me in now and then kill me off, aren’t you?
Writer 1: Maybe, maybe not…
**
Blogger 1: Can you believe I haven’t heard back regarding my pitch for that guest post yet? Even worse, this morning they did their own post on almost the exact same idea!
Blogger 2: Jerks.
Blogger 1: I’m sure they took my idea. Their loss – I could’ve written it so much better.
Blogger 2: So what are you going to do next?
Blogger 1: I’m thinking of setting aside an evening to write a series of cryptic passive aggressive Tweets explaining how irritated I am that will make no sense to people. Then they will have to DM me to ask what the problem is.
Blogger 2: Nice. Brave.
Blogger 1: Exactly. And they’ll be on my side.
Blogger 2: What if that doesn’t work?
Blogger 1: I shall write a post of my own and link to everyone else who has written posts about the subject I wanted to – everyone except this blogger’s post.
Blogger 2: Oh, snap.
Blogger 1: Even better, then later, I’ll tag them or reference them in a Tweet about it, and then they’ll have to publically acknowledge it then, otherwise it’ll look like they’re ignoring me or have something to hide. Hey – what is it?
Blogger 2: Doesn’t this seem kind of… obvious? This is starting to sound like pure link bait to me. How is this serving your readers?
Blogger 1: Hmmm….
{Whips out iPhone}
Blogger 2: {Checking iPhone} Did you just unfollow me?
Blogger 1: No, sorry, Twitter must have done that for me. Don’t you hate that?
Blogger 2: Bullshit, you just did that on purpose.
Blogger 1: Maybe, maybe not…
