My birthday is next month and I’ll be 36 years old. Adam and I have been together since I was 18. Pretty soon – I won’t calculate the timing, although I could try – there will be a silent, cosmic clickover into a new half of my life: the half where I’ve known him longer than I haven’t.
*
I pushed through the door of the alternative health shop, the squeaky hinge making my arrival plain to anyone who happened to be within earshot. I was the only customer and I politely inspected the shelves of various semi-precious stones and jewellery. A purifying rose quartz in the corner sat on top of a baby cauldron that bubbled away, wisps of steam escaping into the air. Various assortments of Tarot cards were on display. The store had a vibe of naive desperation – as did I, which is probably why I ended up standing in it. This was a black, uncertain period in my life.
An attendant pushed aside a curtain separating the back of the shop. Can I help? she asked.
I’m wondering… hoping… thinking about getting one of those, I said, thumbing to the sign in the window that said ‘ANGEL READINGS’.
The attendant brightened. Sure, I can fit that in now.
I looked around the empty shop. No surprises there.
Let’s go, she said, leading me to a small room, also sectioned off by a curtain. There was a small round table covered in a purple velveteen cloth, shot with silver threads, making it shimmer under the harsh lighting.
She spread out the cards on the table. What question do you want answered? she asked.
I can’t remember what I said, but it must’ve been something, for she began to turn over the cards, divining answers from the pictures.
Suddenly, she jolted back in her seat. Thinking it was part of the performance – I’d realised this much – I sat and waited for this development to unfold.
You have a partner, haven’t you? she asked.
Yes, I said, mildly surprised. We hadn’t gotten that far yet in the ‘Investigation of Karen’s Background’.
She closed her eyes and exhaled through her lips. Okay, I’m receving this communication from the angels. I’m feeling it really powerfully. Their message is: whatever you may doubt, never doubt he loves you.
My memory of the reading ends there; it’s as if that was enough for my subconscious, that was all it needed or wanted to process.
The angels weren’t wrong. Here we are now, all these years later.
*
3. Unease
4. Suspicion
5. Relaxation
