Setting: A large home-renovators and supplies store. The kids are running around, sitting on all the toilets (thank god they’re past the ‘does this work? shall I use it?’ phase) and asking what a bidet actually does.
“I think we need floorboards.”
“Bamboo?”
“I guess.”
“They’re hardest. Except for this wood you can only get in South America -”
“I bet their houses are structurally sound.”
“……anyway. We need to decide if we want wet areas done in bamboo. It voids the warranty if we do.”
“Well what about tiles?”
“We’re sick of tiles. They crack, remember? That’s why we’re here. Ours are all cracked.”
“What about carpet?”
“We have carpet.”
“Then what’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong.”
“Good. Then let’s do nothing.”
“FINE.”
“FINE.”
“Let’s go home.”
“I’ve already unlocked the car.”
