While some are busy making resolutions for this year, of which I will presently speak, I first need to make a confession: I have had a creeping feeling for a little time now that this blog has been fueled less by passion and more by a scrabbling desperation I don’t think has shown up in posts themselves, but rather in the methodology and sense of mind I’ve sat down to write in the first place.
Sometimes I’ve felt like a puppy digging in a yard, playing, keeping active and amused. In this metaphoric yard, imagine piles of dirt that settle after being flung in the air, everywhere, scattering over leaves and flowers, over clean clothes on a line. My digging has been with semi-formed purpose and, quality speaking, I am happy with a lot of what I wrote here in 2010. The trouble is with every post I fiddled, sweated, and toiled over time was being taken away from my offline writing work.
I’ve long been on the side which advocates that publishing on the internet isn’t a “waste” and I remain on that side. However I’ve realised that there isn’t anything wrong with balance, either. I realised this the day I wrote my Problogger guest post and I made the point to readers to ask themselves, “Making sure am ‘I’ enough?” and it hit me ‘I’ hadn’t been.
My ‘I’ is the Karen that wants to dig, yes. But deeper. See a point through; formulate an idea to its end. I believe I attempted to try last year when I suspected this was beginning to happen, but this year it may be more obvious. My posts will be scheduled more often so as to give me some breathing space, but not so much as to drain the essence of spontaneity and joy that makes many blogs successful and is part of their charm. I may post less regularly. Most of all I will try to shed the anxiety I feel whenever a post doesn’t perform how I wish it ought. I’ll be more focused on what I want to do.
And that isn’t blogging. Primarily, at least.
(…more later…)
