This is one of my favourite – and most popular – posts of 2010. I’ve had a sequel brewing for a while (think a weigh in on the scales à la The Biggest Loser) but I’ve not had a chance to write it down yet.
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George: Well Kevin and Julia, as you know we’re at the pointy end of the competition. Today is make or break time. As you know, whoever first answers an ingredient incorrectly will be eliminated. The winner will go on to be Australia’s Next Prime Minister. Already you’ve identified most of the ingredients of today’s dish which is: what makes a politician a long-lasting Prime Minister? We’ve already said positive poll results. We’ve talked about managing the media message, and how to appeal to ‘working families’. Now we’re getting down to the tricky part.
Julia, please step forward and taste and tell us again the next element.
Julia: Well, George, I think it’s the depiction of being a sports fan, thereby showing the public I am as down-to-earth as they are.
George: Julia, that is correct. Congratulations, you may step back in line.
Gary (thinking): I’m the cute one, aren’t I? I think I’m cute. My eyes sparkle when I smile. Ad- or- able.
George: Kevin, it’s your turn. Please come forward and tell us the next part in what you think makes a successful, long-lasting Prime Minister.
Kevin: The support of all Labor parliamentary members, irrespective of their own personal motives, despite – and in consideration of – the bad and good times – especially when the ‘bad times’ are not necessarily being reflected as such in opinion polls, but could potentially be used as the foundations for rebellion. I don’t think that would happen, but just in case it —
George: Kevin, we need an answer. What is your final answer?
Kevin: Okay, the unconditional support of all Labor parliamentary members, so I can work in due season towards effectively implementing the policies this government –
George: You’re rambling.
Kevin: Sorry, sorry. Loyalty. My short answer is loyalty.
George: I’m sorry Kevin, but that is incorrect. Congratulations Julia, you are Australia’s next Prime Minister.
Kevin: Yes, yes, I wasn’t sure it was loyalty. I thought I could taste something else in there. What was it, I wonder? Couldn’t be…but yes, I think it was…
…I think it was… blood.
I tasted blood.
Matt Preston: Oh, don’t be so dramatic!
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This post was triggered somewhat by a tweet I made: “I bet KRudd was wishing for a #masterchef immunity pin…”
Thanks to Marian for being a sounding board for the idea!
Picture credits: Masterchef, The Guardian, ninemsn, taste.com.au
