Hormone Headaches Are Bullshit
[Subject has just awoken, eyes barely open. She rolls over onto her right side and tries to catch a few more moments rest. But it’s time to get up. What follows is an internal dialogue.]
Ugh, head still hurts.
Coffee. Coffee will fix it.
Yes, but what strength will I make it? Too strong, and it would make the headache worse thanks to the caffeine. Too weak and you’ll be putting off-side an already angry brain, which will then demand another coffee to make up the difference, which by then will be too late, and the headache will be worse anyway.
Being premenstrual sucks. Who the hell gets premenstrual during Easter? It’s the ultimate cruelty, what with all the chocolate on offer. All that opportunity to gorge and bloat. NO GOD OF MINE WOULD ALLOW THAT TO HAPPEN.
Just be strong.
Shut up.
Exercise might help?
WHAT?
Never mind, I know it’s your weekend to rest.
That’s better.
I have a brilliant idea, take some drugs now, then this afternoon we can drink bubbles and watch Doctor Who and still have the headache, but it’ll be okay, because it’s David bloody Tennant. He fixes all.
Correct. Gosh, you’re smart.
